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You still haunt me.

Even when you’ve done something as wrong as this, and when all is irreversible, I still feel pangs of guilt when it comes to feeling a certain way about you. There are just so many ways to look at you, but none are good.

I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything to work more than this, or for anything to go back to it’s original state than this, but I was wrong. I do want a family. I don’t want to act like I don’t care about home. I want to come back to a happy place and not some eerie chamber of secrets. I want to be open and tell stories of my family to other people. But I can never do that. Because you fucked up.

Have you ever given a thought about this family? I truly hope you have, because then you would still have a chance to turn over a new leaf and start your life anew.

I don’t care what you say or how you act. A leopard never changes its spots. We all know that now cos we learned it the hard way.

I do feel something for you, but it’s only pity. I may be going to hell for that but I’ll take it. I don’t regret all those names I called you, or the curses I flung at you.

I don’t know what to do, or what to say. Wish I’d stop crying forever.

CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT

haha i’ve been doing too much shopping during lunchtime!! NOT GOOD i was supposed to stay in and work on my report today and yesterday. FUCK MY LIFE.

i have not had any progress from typing ‘1)’ on my report. hahahahahaha omg this is so bad.

there’s an event coming up this friday and nothing is fixed as well. feels like after this friday i would really be enjoying life. everyone’s going on holidays and i don’t have to worry about the report till like 6 jan. eh why the fuck so close to this submission date ah?! whoa these people… i think after this friday i should start on the next report. haha i am all talk no action in this area.

aiyooohhhhhhh i only have like 2 days left i better fucking get my act together.

This is when I know I am pmsing

I still remember the first movie we caught together. How you slipped in that hug at the lift lobby when we were in our school clothes. Remember our long bus rides before you were too lazy to drive us out.

It’s as if I still feel the warmth of your embrace, the comfort of your bed and remember the times we spent under covers watching the Simpsons.

Heartbreak.

Fun fun fun fun fun fun

This week has been really tiring and like stressful. Don’t know where to begin.

I know I shouldn’t complain about work because I really have it better than most of my friends. I mean not to be a bitch or anything but thank goodness for that (paiseh)

I just need to find the motivation to start on my report. Im thinking I may need to OT on my own accord just to make sure I have the relevant requirements for submission next Friday…. And i havent even went through the submission brief. Ohmygoodness everything is happening so soon…

There’s an event that we have yet to plan for next Friday. I’m hoping there wont be any cockups because if it so happens that the event is a failure, it will fall on my supervisor, the other manager and, my shoulders. I don’t understand why we are made to organize an event in the first place. Like no budget, not within our KPIs, and changing objectives all the fucking time.

I really have doubts that the event will run smoothly, but one can only hope for the best. Hope the designers and architects will enjoy the wine and canapés and just get drunk and be merry.

This week I have been sharing quite a lot about my ex-boyfriend with my collegues. And I realize one thing – im over him, or at least I think I don’t miss him so much now.

K thxx bye